Suddenly leaving prison became my greatest fear. Six and a half years of anticipation became hesitation in a split second. It crept in during the night before my long dreamed of escape from the endless nightmare.

An overwhelmed sense of loose ends and unfinished business masked my anxiety and was the culprit of many sleepless nights. My war with procrastination and the relentless pursuit for closure left me struggling tooth and nail to the final moments. Admittedly I was defeated.

The ride to the halfway house was a blur. I was in denial of the real world. Unconscious anxiety held me in a tight grip. Sights, people, fashion, technology, trends, scents, sounds and even the air itself alienated me. It was like stepping through a time machine. I couldn't endure the sheer speed of stillness.

In the midst of a crowd I walked through Hollywood for the first time. I was an alien. I clung to flashbacks of being human to ground me in reality. If it wasn't for consistent feelings of deja vu I'd of been convinced I was cohabiting with a new species.

In the mall, countless voices echoed and pounded in my head. Estranged temperatures from various directions greeted me like chilled fingers in a back alley, The fragrances of hair and perfume, the unique evolution of simple mobile phones swept me with awe and wonderment. A reintroduction of today's slang and civilized communication was so fascinating it triggered within me a sort of hyper-focus. Intense inspection of my surroundings was uncontrollable, I was deeply entrenched in the behavior and mannerisms of my so called fellow human beings.

The assault on my senses was relentless. I was so absent—my consistently acceptable communication skills abruptly became primitive. I couldn't multitask to save my life. I was forced to reach into reserves I didn't know I had to navigate through this heart pounding marathon while trying desperately to breath through a straw. I was drowning in anxiety to the extent of migraines that haunted me into the nights. Oblivious, I rationalized the culprit to have been dust in my room thanks to an exceptionally filthy room mate. I stood in the dark corners of my room, pacing back and forth like a mouse trapped in a shoe box set ablaze from mundane daily tasks.

In retrospect I have learned much about change, because today I am drastically improved from my recent setbacks. Of course I remain in the process (its been 2 months) and it will continue for a little longer. Although I appear 100% I am really at 50% and I credit that to my positive attitude and strength, which can be attributed to my faith in Christ. My world behind bars that I left, was dark and full of sorrow. If it wasn't for those supportive relationships inside that remain connected as integral relationships in my re-integration I cannot be sure I would be where I am at this moment in my life of reintroduction to society.

In description of them I say they had compassion, patience, devotion, and understanding. Many times my own loving family made things worse from lack of understanding, but these supportive volunteers and individuals were the security that made vital difference in my day to day success. My faith community and supports are so strong, supportive, and caring I feel like they are part of my family or close friends. The emotional, mental, and spiritual support is immeasurable and gave me the security I needed most days. They embraced me and helped me out in ways that gave me hope in humanity in a world that incarceration convinced me there was no longer much of. Where a thousand pages of description wouldn't do my story justice, I can only say I had faith, humility, and courage mixed with loving, supportive, relationships that I am today a success story that came from a place of inhumanity.